My Concrete Angel

To my precious Pixie

2011-01-27T22:43:00.000-08:00

....sitting here looking at pictures of us and smiling. You are so beautiful.......

Looking in your eyes
Kind of heaven eyes
Closing both my eyes
Waiting for surprise
To see the heaven in your eyes is not so far
Cause I'm not afraid to try and go it
To know the love and the beauty never known before
I'll leave it up to you to show it

And golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there
Golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there
Take me right away

Looking at your hands
Hands can understand
Waiting for the chance
Just to hold your hand
A touch of rain and sunshine made the flower grow
Into a lovely smile that's blooming
And it's so clear to me that you're a dream come true
There's no way that I'll be losing

And golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there
Golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there
Take me right away

A touch of rain and sunshine made the flower grow
Into a lovely smile that's blooming
And it's so clear to me that you're my dream come true
There is no way that I'll be losing

Golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there
Golden lady, golden lady
I'd like to go there...................

SWIMMING IN YOUR OCEAN

2010-11-05T23:27:00.000-07:00

When I'm sampling from your bosom

Sometimes I suffer from distractions like

Why does God cause things like tornadoes and train wrecks?

When I'm swimming in

When I'm swimming in your ocean

Floating aloft on creams

An scented lotions

I can get pretty side-tracked

I hope you'll understand

When I kneel before your bounty

Sometimes I wonder if there could be really

UFO's that come from other planets

And when you let me taste your fingers

I take them like fruit and as I linger I

Wonder if my seed will find purchase in your soil ...

.......happy birthday...wink

Prince Poppycock

2010-08-04T22:33:00.000-07:00

Ok, sometimes I sit here and watch the television, blah blah blah, same old thing. And then what appears to be a freak show comes on the screen, and takes a whole new spin.

THE DREADED COLD BEAN SAMMICH

2010-07-31T15:58:00.000-07:00

For years and years, I always trusted my moms cooking but I never knew why. Perhaps it was because the one time my mom went out of town and left dad with uas kids to feed he nearly burned the house down while trying to make popcorn. I still remember seeing the fear in dear old dads eyes when he placed the flaming pan upon moms coveted brand new dishwasher with the butcher block top. We got the portable dishwasher at Montgomery Wards. Mom wanted it in "Harvest gold" to match the kitchen but I think it costs extra so we got a white one with a beautiful finished wood top. In those days you were considered "rich folk" if you had a built in dishwasher. My mom adored it. She read the lil instruction booklet out loud to all of us so we would know how to use it. She would hover over me everytime I wheeled it over to the sink to "hook it up" just to make sure I was 'doing it right'
So you see, it was a sad day for dad when he burned the top. I thought it was kinda cool the way it left a perfect circle of burn in the wood. (I was into my woodburning kit from Christmas), but all of us kids stood there lookin at dads fear, knowing damn well that when mom came home all hell was gonna break loose. Even though it was dads fault, we knew that we would ALL pay for this but at least us kids could cry so mom would feel sorry for us. In those days dads didnt cry. But thats another story.
My dad was a good man. Still is. But in the kitchen the only thing, to this day, he is allowed to make , is salsa. He makes a mean salsa so thats his only job. Men in those days never had to cook, or clean. All they had to do was go to work, and beat the kids when he came home. I am not joking here. My dad would come home and the first words that came from moms mouth was usually, "Edward, go in there and kill that boy". Its a job he didnt really want to do but as a kid I was pretty bad so he was usually ready to give pain. And if it meant getting mom in a good mood again, hell, I was glad to volunteer a beating.
As I grew older my dad and I bonded pretty good. I was a thinker so I would always have a story that went along with my wrong doings and my dad sometimes would give me a Governers pardon if the story was good enough. The coolest thing he ever did was go into my bedroon with a belt, close the door, and whispered to me to "pretend" he was spanking me while he wailed the belt upon the bed. But that too is another story.
What I want to talk about is the horrifying cold bean sandwich.
In my house growing up, we didnt have a lot of money. Mom and dad struggled to feed four kids But we never went to bed hungry. One of the reasons why is because mom always made beans. Always. Pinto beans is usually a staple in a mexican family so thats what we ate. They were inexpensive to buy and eat so we learned to like pinto beans. Luckily mom makes KILLER home made tortillas. Theres nothing in this world as sweet and satifying as a fresh homemade tortilla straight off the grill. My mom makes the best, still does. I still remember the smell of them cooking in the kitchen while I was sleeping. It would wake me up (mom knew this, it was like her only way to wake this lazy teenager up sometimes). I would stumble down to the kitchen, she would routinely hand me a tortilla and smile at me while I smeared hot butter on it and fold it into my eager lil hands. It was like GOLD to me. Sometimes I would put grape jelly on a tortilla and roll it up like a burrito.Theres a million ways to eat tortillas including using it as a napkin. A trick I kearned from my great grandfather. The disposable edible tortilla napkin.
With Pinto beans its different. They usually only go through 2 stages. The first stage is "Ranchero" style the beans forst boiled in water for 5 hours then poured into a bowl eaten whole with fresh chopped green onions and cubed cheddar chunks of cheese. Salsa optional. The second stage is "Refries", smashed pinto beans with a lil milk and cheese.They can be eaten plain as a side dish or as a burrito filling.
There are 3 things in the mexican culture that I consider to be a sacriledge.
The FIRST rule, for me, is to NEVER EVER make a taco with hambuger meat. If you do, please dont call it a taco. I like Taco Bell too but its not real Mexican food. Its like serving Spagettios to a bunch of Italians.
The SECOND rule is to NEVER EVER EVER put ketchup on mexican food. If i find out, I will personally go to your house and slap you so hard, my feet will come off the ground.
The THIRD rule goes out to the reason I hate my dads cooking. After a hard days work in our backyard, my dad asks me. "Hey you hungry?" I say "Yeah" thinking hes gonna treat me to a burger, fries and a shake from the Dairy Queen. He says "Hold on....keep working" and goes inside
So now i'm thinkin CHEESEBURGER! It was a rare treat to go to the Dairy Queen with my dad.Since we never had much money we would sometimes pack up the car, drive over to Henrys Hambugers and order just french fries and share them. So Dairy Queen was like HEAVEN! My dad always ordered a "Tutti Frutti" milkshake for himself which always made me wonder if he ever knew that it was a metaphor for something else. I wondered this only to myself for fear of never being able to go to Dairy Queen again.
While im pulling weeds with my mouth watering dreamin about all this Dairy Queen shit. I awaken in a cloud, but not a pleasant cloud.....I blink my eyes and see dad, standing there, Huge and Ugly, with an outstreched arm holding in his filthy brown hard workin mexican hands....the most horrible thing I have ever seen in my life!!! It was from the Devil himself....straight out of Hell. A half folded slice of whitebread, cradling inside, cold refried beans.
A COLD BEAN SAMMICH!
...........................................................To this day, I still havent forgiven dad for the cold bean sammich. I sometimes have nightmares about it. He didnt even have the decency to serve it warm. I still have chills thinkin about the inprints of his fingers on the bread. Hearing him say "EAT IT"" theres kids starving in Africa" ....."Or somewhere".....
As to which I replied, "Well lets find those kids and they can have this f'kin sammich"
I said this to myself.

IMMA FAMILY GUY!

2010-07-29T21:30:00.000-07:00

It seems to be,
that all you see,
Is violence in movies,
and sex on TV.
But where are those good old fashioned values,
on which we used to rely?
Lucky imma family guy!
Lucky imma man who,
positively can do,
all the things that make you laugh and cry.....
IM......
A......
FAM.......
LEE......
GUUUUUUUUUUY!

*the end

The Smokers

2010-07-26T23:51:00.000-07:00

*He lit the cigarette and smoked it down to the filter in one breath. He silently thanked the cigarette company for being thoughtful enough about his health to include a filter to protect him. So he lit up another. This time he didn't exhale the squeaky-clean filtered smoke, but just let it nestle in his lungs, filing his body with that good menthol flavor. Some more smokers knocked on his door and they came in and all started smoking along with him.

"How wonderful it is that we're all smoking," he thought.

Everyone smoked and smoked and after they smoked they all talked about smoking and how nice it was that they were all smokers and then they smoked some more.

Smoke, smoke, smoke. They all sang "Smoke That Cigarette" and "Smoke Gets in Your Eyes." Then the smokers smoked one more cigarette and left him alone in his easy chair, about to relax and enjoy a nice quiet smoke. And then his lips fell off.

*From the book "Cruel Shoes"-Steve Martin

:)

2010-07-18T19:58:00.000-07:00

Wind me up.

Spin me around

Sleep

Wind me up

Spin me around

Walk the dog

Wind me up

Spin me around

Dont stop

My angel will love this

2010-06-27T01:52:00.000-07:00

WHEN JUST BUT A LITTLE BOY
FULL OF LIFE AND MUCH JOY
COULDN'T WAIT TO PLAY AND HAVE FUN THAT DAY
A DAY WHEN YOUNG IN SENSE
MY HAND REACHED UP AND TOUCHED THE FENCE
THE SHOCK WIDENED MY EYES RIGHT AWAY
SCARED AND WENT RUNNING HOME
NO MOM NO DAD I WAS HOME ALONE
I WAS SO SCARED NOT SURE WHAT TO DO
TOLD NEIGHBOR LADY WHAT IV'E BEEN THRU
ASKING HER WHAT I SHOULD DO
ONLY TO HEAR HER SAY

LITTLE BOY . LITTLE BOY , YOU'LL NOT LIVE ANOTHER DAY
GO HOME NOW LITTLE BOY HOME TO DIE AND STAY

LITTLE BOY, LITTLE BOY , YOU'LL NOT LIVE ANOTHER DAY
GO HOME NOW LITTLE BOY , HOME TO DIE AND STAY

WITH TEARS IN MY EYES AND FEAR THAT I SHOULD DIE
SPENT MOST OF THE ASKING AND WONDERING WHY
COULDN'T TELL MOM OR DAD SO THEY NOT TO BE SO SAD
I HIDE IN MY ROOM COUNTING WHAT LITTLE TIME I HAD
I TOSSED AND TURNED AND WAS UP ALL NIGHT
AS THE TIME CAME UPON ME AND IN MY FRIGHT
AN HOUR LEFT I COULD STILL HEAR THE LADY SAY

LITTLE BOY , LITTLE BOY YOU'LL NOT LIVE ANOTHER DAY
GO HOME NOW LITTLE BOY LITTLE BOY TO DIE AND STAY

LITTLE BOY, LITTLE BOY YOU'LL NOT LIVE ANOTHER DAY
GO HOME NOW LITTLE BOY , TO DIE AND STAY

IT WAS THEN MY MIND SNAPPED AND LIFE WENT AWAY
MY LIFE AS A LITTLE BOY NEVER TO BE THE SAME WAY
WITH YEARS OF HELP FROM MOM AND DAD
THE MINISTERS ANDTHE DOCTORS AND ALL THE LOVE I HAD

MY LIFE AS OLDER BETTER IT IS THIS DAY
I WISHED ONLY IF THAT LADY WOULDN'T OF LIED MY LIFE AWAY
PLEASE PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF WHAT YOU SAY
WHAT WE SAY TO CHILDREN CAN AFFECT THEM IN SUCH A WAY
PLEASE PEOPLE TAKE CARE OF WHAT YOU SAY
CAUSE YOU CAN HURT THOSE CHILDREN IN SUCH A WAY

METALMAN

2010-05-17T23:06:00.000-07:00

☻/
/▌
/ \ "Dreams are answers to questions we haven't yet figured out how to ask". ~X-Files

I have read somewhere that we all dream everytime we sleep. I know this is true for me because I dream all the time. It's just remembering the dream that makes it hard. I usually only remember certain parts of dreams but sometimes I can remember the whole thing. I started by keeping a journal by my bed and as soon as I wake up I write down my dream.
I have found that if I write the dream down within 5 minutes of waking up, I can remember alot more. After doing this for a while, it actually startled me because the dreams were really weird. Nostly scary or off the wall. I remember trying to make myself dream about certain things but it never worked.

What I did notice though, was that I had a few re-occuring dreans. One of them I want to tell you about. I call it "MetalMan". Not to be confused with Ironman although I am not ruling out the possibility that it's connected somehow.

Anyway, let me say a few things about this dream before I start.
First of all, it's always the same scene by scene,everytime. I can dream this dream and know that I am dreaming it again in the dream. The reason why I need to mention this is because there is a stupid ass part of the dream that is supposed to be funny, but it's not. So each time I am having the dream I am dreadfully anticipating that moment.
The other thing I wanted to say was that these pictures really dont look like the guy in my dream but its as close as I can get to give you an idea.He has no eyes, just dark sockets and he's really shiny!

Ok so heres the dream.............................I am awakening, kind of like a baby. My sences tell me that the sky is blue, the air smells clean and I feel like I am in a safe place. I feel my tiny bodystretch and twist as if awakening from a long soft sleep. I blink my eyes and see a shiny smiling face looking down at me. I then realize that I am being held by this figure. And he is HUGE. As big as a mountain! and he is all metal. Not just regular metal scraps but chromed metal! He is beautiful. And I guess he must like me because he smiled and is holding me in his huge hand, What is going to happen next? Why am I here? Metalman must know. So I will wait. Right here. Where its warm and cozy in Metalmans giant hand. I might even take another nap..........

...........WOAH whats goin on? we are standind behind a mountain and Metalman is acting weird. He is looking over the mountain as people pass by and then ducking. ............Oh My GOD! He's laughing!Ha Ha he sounds funny but its a weird laugh. Kinda like that dog "Muttley" from that old cartoon? It's kind of a wheezy laugh. Irritating actually. But what is even more ridiculous than that stupis laugh is that he thinks he is being "sneaky". It's like he thinks noboby can see him hiding behind the mountain.He is BIGGER than the mountain. He has to get on his knees to hide completely but he doesnt. Instead he just crouches over a little bit but paople can still see him. And some of them laugh . I hear them laugh at Metalman. I know he hears them laugh too but he probably doesnt realize that the jokes on him. So he laughs and snickers all day. Hmmm this could get old.........
..........Ok its night ime now and Metalman is finally tired of laughing and hiding behind the mountain so we go to sleep. .......................
.....................Morning comes and we go to the mountain again so I can watch Metalman act like he's hiding again. I hear the laugh and I realize its not so bad. After all, he is taking care of me and he really doesnt talk so whats the big deal if the big fella wants to have a lil fun? I just sit there and wave at the people. They seem to be bored of Metalman because the laugh must have pissed them off too.
Anyway this goes on for what seems like a few days and then one day. Metalman stops laughing. And looks down at me all serious like he is trying to tell me something. I look down from the mountain and Metalman stand up and points down to the people below. I stand up and look as Metalman bends over and slowly and very gently streches his huge arm down to the ground and opens his giant palm and hands me over to my real mom and dad.

WINDING DOWN

2010-01-05T02:07:00.000-08:00

I made a New Years resolution this year. It occured to me tonight while at my brothers place. We talked alot about the good old days and the crazy things we've done. And believe me they were CRAZY! Some of those things will always remain just between Gabriel and I. Anyway, as we talked we began to explore the reasons for most of our mistakes along the way and came to the conclusion that whoever invented the metaphor "life in the fast lane", worded it correctly because it sure was fast. But too fast. Too fast for our own good because that is where 90% of the mistakes lied. It's true. As young people start to explore their future they often go too fast and overlook other details that might have prevented a mishap or failure. This is nothing new, really, but the whole discussion turned into a revelation of how we are now. Which is more laid back. And it was sort of rewarding (for me at least) because I knew that this year I had a new goal. Not a huge one, but none the less. a goal to remind myself to stay slow, dont panic, figure it out, yes, but dont freak out if it doesnt happen the way you want it. (it never does anyway huh?) Dont let mean people affect you, walk it off, stay away from rumors. Think of positive ways to talk to people, blow away negative energy and thoughts,especially thoughts because we have to use our mind to make actions. Theres so much more that relates to what i am thinking of at this very moment. So then we got quiet for a few minutes. Just Gabe and I. Both wondering what the other one was gonna say next, when Gabe started talking about our old pal named John who was always and still is in the fast lane. Gabe laughed about how he was always losing things. Everytine John came to us for a visit, he was always late, and he always had a story about what just happened to him and it usually involved something he forgot to do or something that he lost to make him late. It wasnt always a bad thing though. Sometimes his lateness included a gift for us like a good bottle of booze or concert tickets or stereo speakers or cd's.But for some reason there was always a sentiment of disapointment in my mind because I could see clearly that this young man was either taking a risk orgetting involved with something that might get us all into trouble. And a few times it did happen, we got into some situations that we never expected to happen. Like partying with him in a bar and finding out that John threw up in the bathroom and having the manager hand him a mop to clean it up and then kicked us out. Or locking his keys in his car. Losing his keys, losing his money, etc. etc. I will go on to say that 90% of the time when John came for a visit he would leave something that he forgot at our house, which sometimes involved us having to wake up at weird hors in the morning or go run something to him. But we love him like a brother and just accept him for what he is. The conversation turned to the theory of losing things, which is one of my main points in this whole blog. We all lose things. And sometimes we feel so dumb because we know its somewhere but cant find it. "It was just right here" is what we say and then our mind starts going int o a deep analysis of where it could be. But it all boils down to one of 2 things. Either it is here somewhere or it is somewhere else. If it is somewhere else it could still be yours or it could be gone forever. BUT, if it is here (now heres the important part), it will "show up" which means that you could either decide to spend all day lookin for it OR you can wait (kick back) and let it FIND YOU! AND IT WIL FIND YOU!! If it's there, i guaranfrikintee it. It always does. Sometimes its right under your nose, sometimes it's sitting in a position that is not visible at the angle that you eye is looking at. Sometimes its up there^^^ or there<<< or there>>>. well.... you get the picture...... As the conversation turned into this affirmation of what we knew to be truth, I noticed Gabe had a gleam in his eye, as did I as well because sometimes thoughts become things . And sometimes it pays to get to an age where you feel at ease to no longer give a fuck about trivial bullshit. To know that these spoken things are related to age and wisdom. Knowledge that might keep us alive a maybe even lil bit longer. Richard Pryor in his early standup years did an act about n old black man by the name of "Mudbone" Mudbone would tell fascinating stories about life and love.The most profound thing that Mudbone would relay is this...... and I qoute: "Ya know"....."Old people are not fools!"..."Naw Naw".."You dont get old to be no damn fool!" (pause) " Theres alotta young wise men though, that are deader than a motherfucker!" HAPPY NEW YEAR!!

3 REASONS TO BE HAPPY........OK, 4

2009-10-04T22:43:00.000-07:00

Lalo Guerrero

2009-09-26T07:20:00.000-07:00

"I saw, Saw"

2009-09-26T06:33:00.000-07:00

I asked someone if they saw , Saw and they said saw what? I said Saw the movie, they said what movie? I said SAW. Did you see the new Saw movie? They said, Oh no, did you? I said not yet but I want to see Saw. They said, oh well, I dont think theres a playground nearby. I said, No I want to see the new Saw movie! They said, I want to see Saw too. I said, I already saw the second one. They said , the second what? I said.....never mind...............

In Honor of Earth Day

2009-04-22T12:59:00.000-07:00

Men and Women

2009-04-21T07:43:00.001-07:00

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WOMAN'S PERFECT BREAKFAST
She's sitting at the table with her gourmet coffee.
Her son is on the cover of the Wheaties box.
Her daughter is on the cover of Business Week.
Her boyfriend is on the cover of Playgirl.
And her husband is on the back of the milk carton.

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WOMEN'S REVENGE
"Cash, check or charge?" I asked, after folding items the woman wished to purchase.
As she fumbled for her wallet, I noticed a remote control for a television set in her purse.
"So, do you always carry your TV remote?" I asked.
"No," she replied, "but my husband refused to come shopping with me,
and I figured this was the most evil thing I could do to him legally."

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UNDERSTANDING WOMEN
(A MAN'S PERSPECTIVE)
I know I'm not going to understand women.
I'll never understand how you can take boiling hot wax,
pour it onto your upper thigh, rip the hair out by the root,
and still be afraid of a spider.

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MARRIAGE SEMINAR
While attending a Marriage Seminar dealing with communication,
Tom and his wife Grace listened to the instructor,
"It is essential that husbands and wives know each other's likes and dislikes."
He addressed the man,
"Can you name your wife's favorite flower?"
Tom leaned over, touched his wife's arm gently and whispered, "It's Pillsbury, isn't it?

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New Church
A newlywed couple were interested in joining a new church so one day they had an appointment with the pastor. The pastor told them that the requirement for joining the church was to abstain from having sex with eachother for one month. The couple agreed and would return after the initiation was completed. Sadly after only 3 weeks the couple came to the pastor with their dilemma.
The husband said: "Sorry pastor but we failed the initiation requirement" The pastor asked "Well what happened?" The man replied: "Well the first and second week was easy but then one day she bent over to pick up a hammer and it was all over, I just had to have my way with her right then and there." The pastor then said "I am dissapointed that you can not join our church now" The husband then said: "Yeah I know, and the people at Home Depot aint to happy with us either!"

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WIFE VS. HUSBAND
A couple drove down a country road for several miles, not saying a word.
An earlier discussion had led to an argument and
neither of them wanted to concede their position.
As they passed a barnyard of mules, goats, and pigs,
the husband asked sarcastically, "Relatives of yours?"
"Yep," the wife replied, "in-laws."

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WORDS
A husband read an article to his wife about how many words women use a day...
30,000 to a man's 15,000.
The wife replied, "The reason has to be because we have to repeat everything to men..
The husband then turned to his wife and asked, "What?"

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A man said to his wife one day, "I don't know how you can be
so stupid and so beautiful all at the same time.
"The wife responded, "Allow me to explain.
God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me;
God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you !

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WHO DOES WHAT
A man and his wife were having an argument about who
should brew the coffee each morning.
The wife said, "You should do it because you get up first,
and then we don't have to wait as long to get our coffee.
The husband said, "You are in charge of cooking around here and
you should do it, because that is your job, and I can just wait for my coffee."
Wife replies, "No, you should do it, and besides, it is in the Bible that the man should do the coffee."
Husband replies, "I can't believe that, show me."
So she fetched the Bible, and opened the New Testament and showed him at the top of several pages, that it indeed says ......... "HEBREWS"

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The Silent Treatment
A man and his wife were having some problems at home
and were giving each other the silent treatment.
Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him
at 5:0 0 AM for an early morning business flight.
Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper,
"Please wake me at 5:00 AM ." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him,
when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM . Wake up."
Men are not equipped for these kinds of contests.

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God may have created man before woman, but there is always a rough draft before the masterpiece

AMERICANS-Who are we?

2009-04-17T19:34:00.000-07:00

Written by an Australian Dentist

To Kill an American
You probably missed this in the rush of news, but there was actually a report that someone in Pakistan had published in a newspaper, an offer of a reward to anyone who killed an American, any American.

So an Australian dentist wrote an editorial the following day to let everyone know what an American is . So they would know when they found one. (Good one, mate!!!!)

'An American is English, or French, or Italian, Irish, German, Spanish , Polish, Russian or Greek. An American may also be Canadian, Mexican, African, Indian, Chinese, Japanese, Korean, Australian, Iranian, Asian, or Arab, or Pakistani or Afghan.

An American may also be a Comanche, Cherokee, Osage, Blackfoot, Navaho, Apache, Seminole or one of the many other tribes known as native Americans.

An American is Christian , or he could be Jewish, or Buddhist, or Muslim. In fact, there are more Muslims in America than in Afghanistan.The only difference is that in America they are free to worship as each of them chooses.

An American is also free to believe in no religion. For that he will answer only to God, not to the government, or to armed thugs claiming to speak for the government and for God.

An American lives in the most prosperous land in the history of the world.
The root of that prosperity can be found in the Declaration of Independence , which recognizes the God given right of each person to the pursuit of happiness...

An American is generous. Americans have helped out just about every other nation in the world in their time of need, never asking a thing in return..

When Afghanistan was over-run by the Soviet army 20 years ago, Americans came with arms and supplies to enable the people to win back their country!

As of the morning of September 11, Americans had given more than any other nation to the poor in Afghanistan .
The national symbol of America , The Statue of Liberty , welcomes your tired and your poor, the wretched refuse of your teeming shores, the homeless, tempest tossed. These in fact are the people who built America .

Some of them were working in the Twin Towers the morning of September 11 , 2001 earning a better life for their families. It's been told that the World Trade Center victims were from at least 30 different countries, cultures, and first languages, including those that aided and abetted the terrorists.
So you can try to kill an American if you must. Hitler did. So did General Tojo, and Stalin , and Mao Tse-Tung, and other blood-thirsty tyrants in the world. But, in doing so you would just be killing yourself . Because Americans are not a particular people from a particular place. They are the embodiment of the human spirit of freedom. Everyone who holds to that spirit, everywhere, is an American.

For my Angel

2009-04-03T13:40:00.000-07:00

This is for all the good people at Golden Years who will miss you...........I Love You! I am so proud of you and you know why!
Fact of the matter is.....i'm already in Heaven..... (sigh)

Things go so much easier if you....

2009-03-19T22:11:00.000-07:00

Keep it simple

Why its a good idea to have an Irish Girlfriend.........

2009-03-18T08:21:00.000-07:00

Homemade fresh baked soda bread, succulent juicy corned beef, warm buttery cabbage, hearty boiled red potatos...............

This isnt a meal, its an art-form experience straight out of heaven!!!!
All made from loving hands..........
Thanx Pixie! <3

for Janet.....

2009-03-06T16:45:00.000-08:00

It will be the little things
that you will remember,
the quiet moments,
the smiles, the laughter.
And although it may seem
hard right now,
it will be the memories
of these little things
that help to push
away the pain
and bring the smiles
back again.

With Loving Memories
JR

Sylphnascency contest entry

2009-02-17T23:26:00.000-08:00

Heres my entry for Pixies "Saddest Song in the World" contest
which is actually no contest at all since this lil dittys gonna win by a landslide.
Bobbys other Smash Hit "Watching Scotty Grow" also got me all choked up

Hu's on first?

2009-02-04T23:43:00.000-08:00

Found this lil tidbit and even though George Dubya is out of the picture, I liked the clever twist they put on an old classic.

ABOUT TAXES.....

2009-01-12T18:57:00.000-08:00

Tax his land,

Tax his bed,

Tax the table…

At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,

Tax his mule,

Teach him taxes...

Are the rule.

Tax his work,

Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts...
Anyway!

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,

Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,

Tax his shirt,

Tax his work,

Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,

Tax his drink,

Tax him if he…
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,

Tax his beers,

If he cries…

Tax his tears.

Tax his car,

Tax his gas,

Find other ways

To tax his ass.

Tax all he has

Then let him know

That you won't be done

Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;

Then tax him some more,

Tax him till He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (Currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middleclass in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'

And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?

THE MOM

2008-12-27T17:57:00.000-08:00

I was gonna save this for mothers day, but its too good to wait that long for. So here's a lil tribute to all you precious mothers out there!

Hmmm.....

2008-12-22T22:13:00.000-08:00

Music Video:3D ANIMATED SEX (by Funny Videos)

Music Video Code provided by VideoCodeZone.Com

Black November

2008-12-11T06:28:00.000-08:00

This year, as it comes to an end brought along a new encounter. What I am referring to is Black November. The day they start the Christmas music. That seems to me to be WAY early to start singing Jingle Bells, especially since i live in the desert and the heat just barely left town and long before I sit and gorge on my turkey dinner at Thanksgiving, in fact on that very day, my mind is still trying to deal with the trauma of leftover Halloween candy.
Ok so a week goes by and people are settling down into the holiday spirit. The radio is pumpin out every Christmas song known to man. I am dealing with it because it still kinda groovy. Its been over 9 or 10 months since i heard this stuff and the visions of sugarplums are startin to appear in my head. I get a shit eatin grin on my face as I ponder upon eating sugarplums (whatever the fuck they are) with my Thanksgiving turkey.
Incidently, I wanted to bring up something that totally cracked me up. Yall know "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer" right? Well someone took a line from the song and made a movie about it. Which I am not against but check this out, its called "Olive the "other" reindeer" Get it? (I would assume that Olive was the one who "used to laugh and call him names) I shit you not google it, Drew Barrymores in it.
What my point is, is that by Thanksgiving I am totally burned out (and you may be too) on Christmas tunes, I now make it a game to see which song is played the most each hour. I might mention at this time that I am a slave to this because I have to play this music at work ALL DAY LONG! If i hear Miss Piggy belt out that annoying "Five Golden Rings" , one more time I truly believe my eardrums may burst. There is one lil hint of re-discovery however, its about an affirmation that I still hate Bruce Springsteen. What he does to "Santa Claus is coming to town" is to me, a sacriledge. (as if you can even understand what hes saying)
Ok so what do I do? umm nothing really except I have found a way to appreciate this experience................because after all, things could be worse.................
..................Imagine if you will, that there was only ONE Christmas song. One melody, Four lines.

And heres the clincher.....

It has to be sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday"

Wouldnt that suck more?

Methinks so.
yeah
It really would...........

Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas dear , (insert name here)
Merry Christmas to you!

Ok I will shup now
In the words of "GUMBY" (not the plastic toy figure but the Eddie Murphy SNL character)

MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

(from snl)-->
Here's a little story, it's called "The Night After Christmas". "It was the day after Christmas, and the world was peaceful and calm. Santa Claus had been delivering toys all night. His back hurt him so. He was very tired. So he went to his kitchen and fixed himself a cup of Swiss Milk hot chocolate. Just then, an elf named Fred came up and said, 'Excuse me, Saint Nick. Can I have a sip of your hot chocolate?' Santa went crazy! He grabbed the elf and tore his lungs out." The end! Merry Christmas, boys and girls. Did you like that?

Ding .........Fries are Done

2008-11-13T02:20:00.000-08:00

Its early, i know, but commercialism usually is....

2008-11-07T06:23:00.000-08:00

~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

now that the elections are over, now that things have settled down,its time to say........
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

```~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~
``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~

HALP!!

2008-10-30T22:44:00.001-07:00

Try JibJab Sendables® eCards today!

Pixies Homemade Pumpkin Empanadas

2008-10-27T13:44:00.000-07:00

There it was, the last empanada.
Oh, its mine, i'm not worried about that. Pixie already told me I could have it because she already gave 3 away and the Bean doenst like pumpkin (only apple) so I was good to go. What DID worry me was this was the last one.
As I gazed upon this confectionary delight I realized that her soul was in there,beyond the golden flaky crust.......deep inside the cinammony spiced pumpkin was her heart.
What she didnt know was these lil gems have been a favorite of my family for generations.
Whats more is I have NEVER tasted an empanada this good! What puzzles me is , how does a lil irish gal pull this off?
You know what?
I dont wanna know.

I just wanna sit here and....

umm...
excuse me but,

could i be alone with my empanada for a while?

Hey Thanks!

Things arent always what they seem...............

2008-10-27T00:10:00.001-07:00

2008-10-25T01:37:00.001-07:00

Wassup 2008

This video speaks for itself (check it out)

2008-10-23T15:11:00.000-07:00

Gettin my craft on...

2008-10-17T10:41:00.000-07:00

These solid concrete benches were all made from homemade templates designed
by my father. Ceramic tiles and natural stones were used in the decor.
It was fun doing these projects with my father, a brilliant man and mentor.

I am going to make a few more of these custom benches for Pixie and Gabby.
I will post pictures of them when the project is completed.

I am also in the process of upgrading our back yard!
My girls are gonna love the water feature that I have in mind.

So much to do, but it will be worth it in the end.

I will be posting some more of my work shortly.

Enjoy
JR

about philanthropy.........

2008-10-12T09:27:00.000-07:00

I just saw a video called How cool...
posted by ~:*:*:Pixie:*:*:~ at SylphNascency, and it moved me to write this blog because the video reminded me that this is what its all about.
Helping others less fortunate.
Thats what I love about my Pixie because shes an inspiration for us all to start giving, give till it hurts.
All my life i've tried to live by this rule. (which is probably why I dont have much) Its a good one. It works because its real. Sometimes when you give, you have to go without things that you really enjoy, but, like the guy in the video said, the feeling you get when you see how happy you made someones life is PRICELESS!!
So........ I am asking all of you to please, please, do something nice for someone today.
It doesnt have to be alot.
Just try it.
You will see what a difference there is.
I want to leave you with a lil story that has always stuck in my mind since I was young.
My great grandma used to live in a lil town called Superior.
Behind her house she had chicken coops and would go out and feed them.
Of course I always wanted to see the chickens and help so sometimes she would let me, (she was a very independent crabby, almost mean kinda woman) but sometimes she would say no.
The times that she would say no, I noticed that she was carrying people food out to the chicken coops.
Nobody dared ask her why because in those days, you didnt question grown ups.
But being the hyper curious lad that I was, I had to investigate. So I snuck out after her, dodging behind trees, spying on gramma........
she went further back behind the chicken coops , she even went past the garbage cans where, in those days you burned your garbage, behind the fence, where the railroad tracks were.
And there she was, my gramma, feeding 3 "hobos".
Right at that moment she saw me and "shooed" me with her hand to go back inside. Which I immediately did.
But I waited till she got back to ask her why she was feeding these bums.
She gave me a half cross and half calm look (if thats even possible and it was) and she said......
"Because one of them is Jesus"

And at that very moment I wanted to be more like gramma.

peace and love
jr

The picture y'all didnt see.

2008-10-05T08:40:00.000-07:00

On Pixies blog (SylphNascency) she posted a picture of her that was good. But this ones better.

What a lucky guy I am.........(sighs)

BUMMED......no more

2008-10-02T13:11:00.000-07:00

The last four days have been sad for me.
Why you ask?
My Pixies been ill.
Poor thing, she wouldnt let me do anything for her. She just layed there and slept. I tried my best to cheer her up but I could see shes just like me and was better off just being left alone.
So......
I waited, lol, she caught me staring at her a few times but just didnt say anything. She was feelin poo poo and out of sorts and so I waited more.
Today shes better. Not bouncin around like she always does but shes doin mom things. What also helped was the 2 packages that arrived in the mail; one was our new FREE modem for lightning speed internet (cordless) and a wonderful package from the very talented SORROW.
Sorrow that was a beautiful assortment of gifts (and Pixies prize) and it couldnt have come at a better time (by the way, to me these kind of things are no coincidence) and i wanted to personally thank you from the heart. Im sure Pixies gonna want to post pix of these lovely gems that will be cherished forever.

One last thing I want to say for now,
I re-learned something new.
I forgot what it was like to feel pain for someone you love.
Peace Out
JR<3

Why I love my Verizon phone:

2008-09-29T19:01:00.000-07:00

Im just crazy about my Verizon (um, no I dont work for them) phone, and i'm gonna tell you why.
Yesterday, while I was at work, I took the liberty (as I always do mostly because if i dont do it, it wont get done) of mopping the salon floor. During this process, a customer came in so I tended to her purchase. She left and I noticed there was a message on my cellphone so, as i fiddled with my phone I also grabbed the mop in the process (you can see where this is going) and yes, due to my sad lack of multi-tasking at any level...........KERRR PLUNKKK!
WAAAAAAAHHHHH! OMG, OMG, MY NEW PHONE! GRRRR! HURRY SAVE IT! OMG, OMG, OK THINK FAST JUNIOR YOU LUGGHEAD! OH SHIT ITS DEEP GET THIS MUTHA OUT . SPLASH! OH GAWD! IM DEAD MEAT! OK, OK, BATTERY......MUST REMOVE BATTERY....GET THIS DAMN COVER OFF, GRRR HURRRY! OK OK BATTERY OUT. HURRY SOMEONE GIMME A BLOWDRYER. for a split second there i was momentarily relieved i was surrounded by blow dryers. WHIZZZZZ WHIZZZZZ (for about 10 minutes) then I said wait. what happened last time LMAO I remembered the "pool incident" The damn phone was 10 feet deep that time so I began to have hope.
BUT
Good things come to those who wait.
I thought to myself, lemme give it a whole day in the sun to re-coop or whatever phones do when their owners are retards like me.

NEXT DAY

Shell and I looked at the phone, then at eachother, then we prayed
It wasnt a long prayer (like please dont be pregnant) But almost as important.
I told Shell I was gonna look away as she put the battery genly in its rightful place.
Last thing I saw was Shells fingeres crossed which scared me because I did'nt cross mine (maybe i'm jinxing my ass?)
Oh well,
anyway guess what?

I HEARD BEAUTIFUL SOUND COMING FROM THAT TINY SPEAKER! AND THE LOOK ON PIXIES FACE REMINDED ME OF THE LOOK SHE GETS WHEN SHE'S ummm nevermind
So,
That is why I LOVE VERIZON phones!
the end.

थिस इस कूल

2008-09-23T22:36:00.000-07:00

OMG! I don't know how they do it, but it is funny! 1. GO TO THE FOLLOWING SITE:

http://www.tatuagemdaboa.com.br/

2. TYPE YOUR FIRST NAME ON THE 1st LINE

3. TYPE YOUR LAST NAME ON THE 2nd LINE

(Skip your e-mail address.)

4. Click on 'Vizualizar' and watch what happens ... & don't ask me how they do that!

cantgetenuff

2008-09-23T13:32:00.000-07:00

As I was preparing to get ready for work, I passed by our bed. There they were. 3 of them. Snoozing like babies. My girl, Granger (dog), and MAX the cat. I dont normally like the animals in our bed, but I didnt have the heart to wake them since they looked so cozy.
As I walked away i smiled as I realized what a wonderful woman I am with for love surrounds her everywhere she goes. Even the animals cant get enough of her. And then I did something else. I stopped. Looked up and closed my eyes. And I gave thanks to my Creator for this experience.
And then I remembered something she always says.......
......YOU ARE LOVED.......

had to share this with you.

2008-08-31T19:50:00.000-07:00

This will mess with yer head!

2008-08-19T22:34:00.000-07:00

Ok check this out, look at the picture for a few seconds and count the people, when the picture changes, count them again. Dont ask me how this works , i just post em, not invent em.

AHEM........about SEX

2008-08-17T06:29:00.000-07:00

umm.....if you ever needed a reason.......

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ============= 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ============= 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. ============= 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! ============= 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. ============= 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ============== 7 . Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ============= 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ============= 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ============= 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. =============

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

2008-08-16T09:41:00.000-07:00

BARACK OBAMA:
The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

JOHN MC CAIN:
My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

HILLARY CLINTON:
When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road.This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

DR. PHIL:
The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

OPRAH:
Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

GEORGE W. B USH:
We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

COLIN POWELL:
Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

ANDERSON COOPER - CNN:
We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

JOHN KERRY:
Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

NANCY GRACE :
That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

PAT BUCHANAN:
To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

MARTHA STEWART:
No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

DR SEUSS:
Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

ERNEST HEMINGWAY:
To die in the rain. Alone.

JERRY FALWELL:
Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side'. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

GRANDPA:
In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

BARBARA WALTERS:
Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's life long dream of crossing the road.

ARISTOTLE:
It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

JOHN LENNON:
Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

BILL GATES:
I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash...#@&&^(C% ........reboot.

ALBERT EINSTEIN:
Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

BILL CLINTO N:
I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

AL GORE:
Globel warming has made the chicken cross the road. Millions of chickens have cross the road due to the climate changes within the past 20 years

COLONEL SANDERS:
Did I miss one?

DICK CHENEY:
Where's my gun?

AL SHARPTON:
Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

Incredible...

2008-08-05T12:27:00.001-07:00

Check out this True Story.

WORLDS OLDEST JOKES!

2008-08-02T07:54:00.000-07:00

Do World's Oldest Jokes Pack Any Punch?Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. -- 1900 BC to 1600 BC, Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13
:( 82%
:) 18%
How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. -- 1600 BC, an abridged version first found on the Westcar Papryus
:( 54%
:) 46% Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf? -- 1200 BC
:) 51%
:( 49% A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?" -- 1100 BC, Egyptian
:( 52%
:) 48%
Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. -- 800 BC, Homer, 'The Odyssey'
:) 73%
:( 27%
What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age. -- 429 BC, appears in Oedipus Tyrannus
:) 70%
:( 30%
Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey -- his purse is what restrains him. -- 304 BC to 30 BC, Egyptian, Ptolemaic period
:) 56%
:( 44%
Augustus was touring his empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." -- 63 BC to 29 AD, credited to the Emperor Augustus
:) 91%
:( 9%
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." -- 4th to 5th century AD, dated to the 'Philogelos,' or 'Laughter-Lover,' the oldest extant jest book
:) 58%
:( 42%
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." -- 4th to 5th century AD, collected in the 'Philogelos'
:) 82%
:( 18%
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
here's an olde english limerick from about the 16th of 17th century...."she offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long he was on her and off her"...Who had the happiest marriage in the Universe? Adam and Eve. HE never had to listen to her go on about all the other guys she could have married; and SHE never had to listen to "what a great cook his mother was"
The top 10 oldest jokes can be viewed at www.dave-tv

Big Eyed Fish

2008-07-27T07:34:00.000-07:00

Story of a man,
Who decided not to breathe.
Turned red, purple, then blue.
Colorful indeed.
No matter how his friends begged,
Well, he would not concede,
And now hes dead.
You see, cause everybody knows,
You got to breathe.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side...
Lighter on the other side...

Another one: see this monkey sitting on a tree,
One day, decided to climb down,
And run off to the city.
Look at him now, tired and drunk
And living on the street.
As good as dead.
You see, a monkey should know,
Stay up your tree.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side.
Oh, god,
But under the weight of life,
Things seem much brighter on the other side.

No way, no way, no way.... out... of here...

Another one: a big eyed fish,
Yeah, swimming in the sea,
Oh, how he dreamed.
He wants to be a bird,
Swooping, diving through the breeze.
One day, he caught a big blue wave,
Up onto the beach,
And now hes dead.
You see, a fishs dream,
Should stay in the sea.

But, oh god,
Under the weight of life,
Things seem brighter on the other side.

No way... no way...no way...out... of here...

No way out of life.

PROCRASTINATION

2008-07-14T08:28:00.000-07:00

Hey, umm, ill be back later to finish this important topic ok?

My Concrete Angel

2008-07-12T02:51:00.000-07:00

This song reminds me of her. Shes very witty and smart even when things get out of hand. I wont call her a soul mate (overused), but there is def a reason shes in my life. I waited over 50 yrs for this, thank you God.
There is so much more to say about this incredible creature,but for now, just listen to the song......................