Tuesday, August 19, 2008

This will mess with yer head!

Ok check this out, look at the picture for a few seconds and count the people, when the picture changes, count them again. Dont ask me how this works , i just post em, not invent em.


Sunday, August 17, 2008

AHEM........about SEX

umm.....if you ever needed a reason.......

1. Sex is a beauty treatment. Scientific tests find that when women make love they produce amounts of the hormone estrogen, which makes hair shine and skin smooth. ============= 2. Gentle, relaxed lovemaking reduces your chances of suffering dermatitis, skin rashes and blemishes. The sweat produced cleanses the pores and makes your skin glow. ============= 3. Lovemaking can burn up those calories you piled on during that romantic dinner. ============= 4. Sex is one of the safest sports you can take up. It stretches and tones up just about every muscle in the body. It's more enjoyable than swimming 20 laps, and you don't need special sneakers! ============= 5. Sex is an instant cure for mild depression. It releases endorphins into the bloodstream, producing a sense of euphoria and leaving you with a feeling of well-being. ============= 6. The more sex you have, the more you will be offered. The sexually active body gives off greater quantities of chemicals called pheromones. These subtle sex perfumes drive the opposite sex crazy! ============== 7 . Sex is the safest tranquilizer in the world. IT IS 10 TIMES MORE EFFECTIVE THAN VALIUM. ============= 8. Kissing each day will keep the dentist away. Kissing encourages saliva to wash food from the teeth and lowers the level of the acid that causes decay, preventing plaque build-up. ============= 9. Sex actually relieves headaches. A lovemaking session can release the tension that restricts blood vessels in the brain. ============= 10. A lot of lovemaking can unblock a stuffy nose. Sex is a natural antihistamine. It can help combat asthma and hay fever. =============

Saturday, August 16, 2008

Why Did the Chicken Cross the Road?

The chicken crossed the road because it was time for a CHANGE! The chicken wanted CHANGE!

My friends, that chicken crossed the road because he recognized the need to engage in cooperation and dialogue with all the chickens on the other side of the road.

When I was First Lady, I personally helped that little chicken to cross the road.This experience makes me uniquely qualified to ensure -- right from Day One! -- that every chicken in this country gets the chance it deserves to cross the road. But then, this really isn't about me.......

The problem we have here is that this chicken won't realize that he must first deal with the problem on 'THIS' side of the road before it goes after the problem on the 'OTHER SIDE' of the road. What we need to do is help him realize how stupid he's acting by not taking on his 'CURRENT'problems before adding 'NEW' problems.

Well, I understand that the chicken is having problems, which is why he wants to cross this road so bad. So instead of having the chicken learn from his mistakes and take falls, which is a part of life, I'm going to give this chicken a car so that he can just drive across the road and not live his life like the rest of the chickens.

We don't really care why the chicken crossed the road. We just want to know if the chicken is on our side of the road, or not. The chicken is either against us, or for us. There is no middle ground here.

Now to the left of the screen, you can clearly see the satellite image of the chicken crossing the road...

We have reason to believe there is a chicken, but we have not yet been allowed to have access to the other side of the road.

Although I voted to let the chicken cross the road, I am now against it! It was the wrong road to cross, and I was misled about the chicken's intentions. I am not for it now, and will remain against it.

That chicken crossed the road because he's GUILTY! You can see it in his eyes and the way he walks.

To steal the job of a decent, hardworking American.

No one called me to warn me which way that chicken was going. I had a standing order at the Farmer's Market to sell my eggs when the price dropped to a certain level. No little bird gave me any insider information.

Did the chicken cross the road? Did he cross it with a toad? Yes, the chicken crossed the road, but why it crossed I've not been told.

To die in the rain. Alone.

Because the chicken was gay! Can't you people see the plain truth? That's why they call it the 'other side'. Yes, my friends, that chicken is gay. And if you eat that chicken, you will become gay too. I say we boycott all chickens until we sort out this abomination that the liberal media white washes with seemingly harmless phrases like 'the other side. That chicken should not be crossing the road. It's as plain and as simple as that.

In my day we didn't ask why the chicken crossed the road. Somebody told us the chicken crossed the road, and that was good enough.

Isn't that interesting? In a few moments, we will be listening to the chicken tell, for the first time, the heart warming story of how it experienced a serious case of molting, and went on to accomplish it's life long dream of crossing the road.

It is the nature of chickens to cross the road.

Imagine all the chickens in the world crossing roads together, in peace.

I have just released eChicken2008, which will not only cross roads, but will lay eggs, file your important documents, and balance your checkbook. Internet Explorer is an integral part of the Chicken. This new platform is much more stable and will never crash...#@&&^(C% ........reboot.

Did the chicken really cross the road, or did the road move beneath the chicken?

I did not cross the road with THAT chicken. What is your definition of chicken?

Globel warming has made the chicken cross the road. Millions of chickens have cross the road due to the climate changes within the past 20 years

Did I miss one?

Where's my gun?

Why are all the chickens white? We need some black chickens

Tuesday, August 5, 2008

Saturday, August 2, 2008


Do World's Oldest Jokes Pack Any Punch?Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. -- 1900 BC to 1600 BC, Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13
:( 82%
:) 18%
How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. -- 1600 BC, an abridged version first found on the Westcar Papryus
:( 54%
:) 46% Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf? -- 1200 BC
:) 51%
:( 49% A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?" -- 1100 BC, Egyptian
:( 52%
:) 48%
Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. -- 800 BC, Homer, 'The Odyssey'
:) 73%
:( 27%
What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age. -- 429 BC, appears in Oedipus Tyrannus
:) 70%
:( 30%
Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey -- his purse is what restrains him. -- 304 BC to 30 BC, Egyptian, Ptolemaic period
:) 56%
:( 44%
Augustus was touring his empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." -- 63 BC to 29 AD, credited to the Emperor Augustus
:) 91%
:( 9%
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." -- 4th to 5th century AD, dated to the 'Philogelos,' or 'Laughter-Lover,' the oldest extant jest book
:) 58%
:( 42%
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." -- 4th to 5th century AD, collected in the 'Philogelos'
:) 82%
:( 18%
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
here's an olde english limerick from about the 16th of 17th century...."she offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long he was on her and off her"...Who had the happiest marriage in the Universe? Adam and Eve. HE never had to listen to her go on about all the other guys she could have married; and SHE never had to listen to "what a great cook his mother was"
The top 10 oldest jokes can be viewed at www.dave-tv