Saturday, August 2, 2008

WORLDS OLDEST JOKES!

Do World's Oldest Jokes Pack Any Punch?Something which has never occurred since time immemorial: a young woman did not fart in her husband's lap. -- 1900 BC to 1600 BC, Sumerian Proverb Collection 1.12-1.13
:( 82%
:) 18%
How do you entertain a bored pharaoh? You sail a boatload of young women dressed only in fishing nets down the Nile and urge the pharaoh to go catch a fish. -- 1600 BC, an abridged version first found on the Westcar Papryus
:( 54%
:) 46% Three ox drivers from Adab were thirsty: one owned the ox, the other owned the cow and the other owned the wagon's load. The owner of the ox refused to get water because he feared his ox would be eaten by a lion; the owner of the cow refused because he thought his cow might wander off into the desert; the owner of the wagon refused because he feared his load would be stolen. So they all went. In their absence the ox made love to the cow which gave birth to a calf which ate the wagon's load. Problem: Who owns the calf? -- 1200 BC
:) 51%
:( 49% A woman who was blind in one eye has been married to a man for 20 years. When he found another woman he said to her, "I shall divorce you because you are said to be blind in one eye." And she answered him: "Have you just discovered that after 20 years of marriage?" -- 1100 BC, Egyptian
:( 52%
:) 48%
Odysseus tells the Cyclops that his real name is nobody. When Odysseus instructs his men to attack the Cyclops, the Cyclops shouts: "Help, nobody is attacking me!" No one comes to help. -- 800 BC, Homer, 'The Odyssey'
:) 73%
:( 27%
What animal walks on four feet in the morning, two at noon and three at evening? Man. He goes on all fours as a baby, on two feet as a man and uses a cane in old age. -- 429 BC, appears in Oedipus Tyrannus
:) 70%
:( 30%
Man is even more eager to copulate than a donkey -- his purse is what restrains him. -- 304 BC to 30 BC, Egyptian, Ptolemaic period
:) 56%
:( 44%
Augustus was touring his empire and noticed a man in the crowd who bore a striking resemblance to himself. Intrigued he asked: "Was your mother at one time in service at the palace?" "No your Highness," he replied, "but my father was." -- 63 BC to 29 AD, credited to the Emperor Augustus
:) 91%
:( 9%
Wishing to teach his donkey not to eat, a pedant did not offer him any food. When the donkey died of hunger, he said "I've had a great loss. Just when he had learned not to eat, he died." -- 4th to 5th century AD, dated to the 'Philogelos,' or 'Laughter-Lover,' the oldest extant jest book
:) 58%
:( 42%
Asked by the court barber how he wanted his hair cut, the king replied: "In silence." -- 4th to 5th century AD, collected in the 'Philogelos'
:) 82%
:( 18%
The oldest British joke dates back to the 10th Century and reveals the bawdy face of the Anglo-Saxons -- "What hangs at a man's thigh and wants to poke the hole that it's often poked before? Answer: A key."
here's an olde english limerick from about the 16th of 17th century...."she offered her honor, he honored her offer, and all night long he was on her and off her"...Who had the happiest marriage in the Universe? Adam and Eve. HE never had to listen to her go on about all the other guys she could have married; and SHE never had to listen to "what a great cook his mother was"
The top 10 oldest jokes can be viewed at www.dave-tv