Thursday, December 11, 2008

Black November

This year, as it comes to an end brought along a new encounter. What I am referring to is Black November. The day they start the Christmas music. That seems to me to be WAY early to start singing Jingle Bells, especially since i live in the desert and the heat just barely left town and long before I sit and gorge on my turkey dinner at Thanksgiving, in fact on that very day, my mind is still trying to deal with the trauma of leftover Halloween candy.
Ok so a week goes by and people are settling down into the holiday spirit. The radio is pumpin out every Christmas song known to man. I am dealing with it because it still kinda groovy. Its been over 9 or 10 months since i heard this stuff and the visions of sugarplums are startin to appear in my head. I get a shit eatin grin on my face as I ponder upon eating sugarplums (whatever the fuck they are) with my Thanksgiving turkey.
Incidently, I wanted to bring up something that totally cracked me up. Yall know "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer" right? Well someone took a line from the song and made a movie about it. Which I am not against but check this out, its called "Olive the "other" reindeer" Get it? (I would assume that Olive was the one who "used to laugh and call him names) I shit you not google it, Drew Barrymores in it.
What my point is, is that by Thanksgiving I am totally burned out (and you may be too) on Christmas tunes, I now make it a game to see which song is played the most each hour. I might mention at this time that I am a slave to this because I have to play this music at work ALL DAY LONG! If i hear Miss Piggy belt out that annoying "Five Golden Rings" , one more time I truly believe my eardrums may burst. There is one lil hint of re-discovery however, its about an affirmation that I still hate Bruce Springsteen. What he does to "Santa Claus is coming to town" is to me, a sacriledge. (as if you can even understand what hes saying)
Ok so what do I do? umm nothing really except I have found a way to appreciate this experience................because after all, things could be worse.................
..................Imagine if you will, that there was only ONE Christmas song. One melody, Four lines.


And heres the clincher.....

It has to be sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday"

Wouldnt that suck more?

Methinks so.
yeah
It really would...........

Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas dear , (insert name here)
Merry Christmas to you!

Ok I will shup now
In the words of "GUMBY" (not the plastic toy figure but the Eddie Murphy SNL character)

MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

(from snl)-->
Here's a little story, it's called "The Night After Christmas". "It was the day after Christmas, and the world was peaceful and calm. Santa Claus had been delivering toys all night. His back hurt him so. He was very tired. So he went to his kitchen and fixed himself a cup of Swiss Milk hot chocolate. Just then, an elf named Fred came up and said, 'Excuse me, Saint Nick. Can I have a sip of your hot chocolate?' Santa went crazy! He grabbed the elf and tore his lungs out." The end! Merry Christmas, boys and girls. Did you like that?

2 comments:

woodsong said...

Here I was having a crappy week and then I read the part about Santa ripping out an elf's lungs, and now I cannot stop laughing. So thank you!!!!!

Sorrow said...

ya know my youngest sings the dreidel song over and over and over again...
so I feel your pain.
And Bruce?
my 16 year old puts two fingers in his mouth and sings "born to run" and I swear he sounds just like him!