Monday, January 12, 2009

ABOUT TAXES.....


Tax his land,

Tax his bed,

Tax the table…

At which he's fed.

Tax his tractor,

Tax his mule,

Teach him taxes...

Are the rule.

Tax his work,

Tax his pay,

He works for peanuts...
Anyway!

Tax his cow,

Tax his goat,

Tax his pants,

Tax his coat.

Tax his ties,

Tax his shirt,

Tax his work,

Tax his dirt.

Tax his tobacco,

Tax his drink,

Tax him if he…
Tries to think.

Tax his cigars,

Tax his beers,

If he cries…

Tax his tears.

Tax his car,

Tax his gas,

Find other ways

To tax his ass.

Tax all he has

Then let him know

That you won't be done

Till he has no dough.

When he screams and hollers;

Then tax him some more,

Tax him till He's good and sore.

Then tax his coffin,
Tax his grave,
Tax the sod in
Which he's laid.

Put these words
Upon his tomb,
'Taxes drove me
to my doom...'

When he's gone,
Do not relax,
Its time to apply
The inheritance tax.

Accounts Receivable Tax
Building Permit Tax
CDL license Tax
Cigarette Tax
Corporate Income Tax
Dog License Tax
Excise Taxes
Federal Income Tax
Federal Unemployment Tax (FUTA)
Fishing License Tax
Food License Tax
Fuel Permit Tax
Gasoline Tax (Currently 44.75 cents per gallon)
Gross Receipts Tax
Hunting License Tax
Inheritance Tax
Inventory Tax
IRS Interest Charges IRS Penalties (tax on top of tax)
Liquor Tax
Luxury Taxes
Marriage License Tax
Medicare Tax
Personal Property Tax
Property Tax
Real Estate Tax
Service Charge T ax
Social Security Tax
Road Usage Tax
Sales Tax
Recreational Vehicle Tax
School Tax
State Income Tax
State Unemployment Tax (SUTA)
Telephone Federal Excise Tax
Telephone Federal Universal Service Fee Tax
Telephone Federal, State and Local Surcharge Taxes
Telephone Minimum Usage Surcharge Tax
Telephone Recurring and Non-recurring Charges Tax
Telephone State and Local Tax
Telephone Usage Charge Tax
Utility Taxes
Vehicle License Registration Tax
Vehicle Sales Tax
Watercraft Registration Tax
Well Permit Tax
Workers Compensation Tax

Not one of these taxes existed 100 years ago, and our nation was the most prosperous in the world.

We had absolutely no national debt, had the largest middleclass in the world, and Mom stayed home to raise the kids.

What happened? Can you spell 'politicians?'

And I still have to 'press 1' for English!?

Saturday, December 27, 2008

THE MOM

I was gonna save this for mothers day, but its too good to wait that long for. So here's a lil tribute to all you precious mothers out there!

Thursday, December 11, 2008

Black November

This year, as it comes to an end brought along a new encounter. What I am referring to is Black November. The day they start the Christmas music. That seems to me to be WAY early to start singing Jingle Bells, especially since i live in the desert and the heat just barely left town and long before I sit and gorge on my turkey dinner at Thanksgiving, in fact on that very day, my mind is still trying to deal with the trauma of leftover Halloween candy.
Ok so a week goes by and people are settling down into the holiday spirit. The radio is pumpin out every Christmas song known to man. I am dealing with it because it still kinda groovy. Its been over 9 or 10 months since i heard this stuff and the visions of sugarplums are startin to appear in my head. I get a shit eatin grin on my face as I ponder upon eating sugarplums (whatever the fuck they are) with my Thanksgiving turkey.
Incidently, I wanted to bring up something that totally cracked me up. Yall know "Rudolf the Red Nose Reindeer" right? Well someone took a line from the song and made a movie about it. Which I am not against but check this out, its called "Olive the "other" reindeer" Get it? (I would assume that Olive was the one who "used to laugh and call him names) I shit you not google it, Drew Barrymores in it.
What my point is, is that by Thanksgiving I am totally burned out (and you may be too) on Christmas tunes, I now make it a game to see which song is played the most each hour. I might mention at this time that I am a slave to this because I have to play this music at work ALL DAY LONG! If i hear Miss Piggy belt out that annoying "Five Golden Rings" , one more time I truly believe my eardrums may burst. There is one lil hint of re-discovery however, its about an affirmation that I still hate Bruce Springsteen. What he does to "Santa Claus is coming to town" is to me, a sacriledge. (as if you can even understand what hes saying)
Ok so what do I do? umm nothing really except I have found a way to appreciate this experience................because after all, things could be worse.................
..................Imagine if you will, that there was only ONE Christmas song. One melody, Four lines.


And heres the clincher.....

It has to be sung to the tune of "Happy Birthday"

Wouldnt that suck more?

Methinks so.
yeah
It really would...........

Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas to you,
Merry Christmas dear , (insert name here)
Merry Christmas to you!

Ok I will shup now
In the words of "GUMBY" (not the plastic toy figure but the Eddie Murphy SNL character)

MERRY CHRISTMAS DAMMIT

(from snl)-->
Here's a little story, it's called "The Night After Christmas". "It was the day after Christmas, and the world was peaceful and calm. Santa Claus had been delivering toys all night. His back hurt him so. He was very tired. So he went to his kitchen and fixed himself a cup of Swiss Milk hot chocolate. Just then, an elf named Fred came up and said, 'Excuse me, Saint Nick. Can I have a sip of your hot chocolate?' Santa went crazy! He grabbed the elf and tore his lungs out." The end! Merry Christmas, boys and girls. Did you like that?

Thursday, November 13, 2008

Ding .........Fries are Done

Its early, i know, but commercialism usually is....

Friday, November 7, 2008

~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE


~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE



~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

now that the elections are over, now that things have settled down,its time to say........
~~~HAPPY BIRTHDAY PIXIE

```~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~
``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~~~I LOVE YOU!!~~~``~